Life is full of ups and downs; that is how it works for everyone, including ballet dancers.
I couldn’t help but think about this as I began my long trip to Paris… I couldn’t really tell what I was feeling.
The Ups and Downs of a Ballet Dancer on Tour
On one hand, the idea of performing three nearly sold-out shows at La Seine Musicale, a renowned theater with a capacity for over 6,000 people, among whom we could find critics, our directors, and even the First Lady of Bulgaria, filled me with anticipation.
And amidst that sea of faces, there would be five people who hold a special place in my heart: my family, who had traveled all the way from Madrid to witness my performances. Thinking of having them in the audience, particularly my grandparents who had not seen me dance in five years, made everything more significant.
But on the other hand, the journey I had ahead was terribly long. I already knew I was going to be unable to sleep, and I was genuinely scared of performing such an important show with a version of Swan Lake that we had not yet premiered in Bulgaria before leaving for such a significant performance, on a stage completely different from the long and narrow space we have in Varna.
But even worse was the sadness that came over me every time I thought about Hada, the six-month-old puppy I have with my girlfriend, whom we had to leave at a friend’s place for the first time ever so they could take care of her while we were away.
The time until the shows passed faster than I expected, but the trip felt too long, especially considering that I was only able to sleep for three hours.
But not even that exhaustion could prevent me and my colleagues from spending the afternoon exploring everything Paris had to offer. We set off to discover the city’s marvels, beginning with the iconic Eiffel Tower, which was a moment of realization for me personally, a tangible reminder of how far I had come in my journey as a ballet dancer. So in that moment, I clearly knew I was experiencing one of those “ups”.
The rest of the afternoon was truly delightful. We strolled along the Seine, took the typical amount of pictures for any tourist in Paris, made our way to the Arc de Triomphe, and after a pleasant lunch in a typical French restaurant, we continued our walk down the Champs-Élysées.
This stroll was punctuated by visits to ballet shops and the Opera, which we unfortunately couldn’t enjoy due to our late arrival. However, we consoled ourselves with an ice cream and proceeded to the Louvre Museum to end our day as tourists.
The next day began with a warm surprise: my father was already in town. But the happiness of seeing him soon than expected brought with it a sense of trepidation as the shows were getting closer. While I approached the theater to meet him and hug him, the realization that everything was becoming real intensified all my emotions.
After checking the outside of the building, we looked for a place to get a drink while we exchanged stories of the trip he was taking around France and my experiences over the last couple of months. The conversation flowed so effortlessly that before I knew it, we had to make our way to the hotel so I could meet my colleagues and head to the theater.
The theater was impressive with its modern architecture and grand auditorium, all nestled on an island in the Seine. We were also relieved to find out that the stage was smaller than expected, which would somewhat mitigate the fatigue.
However, the challenges began at the same time when ballet class started; like every dancer on tour, we had to adapt quickly to the situation.
We lacked barres, and since the technicians were still finishing the preparations, we had to take class in the auditorium. Clinging to anything we could find, we began our warm-up with our ballet master counting aloud to replace the music, which wasn’t ready yet.
And when we moved to the stage for center work, we noticed the floor was quite sticky, and the modular design of the stage created a few bumps we would have to avoid.
Chaos ensued when it was time for the costume run-through. Although it wasn’t meant to be a full-out rehearsal, the pressure loomed, so we gave our best to at least get a feel for the stage. Despite some moments of messiness, the rehearsal was not terrible. I tried to fix and learn from all the mistakes I noticed in order to make the show even better.
Unfortunately, we ran out of time before we could check the character dances from the third act, so I went to my changing room and got ready to prepare for the performance.
Before I continue, I must say that as a male corps de ballet member in Swan Lake, my role is limited to the waltz in Act One and the Spanish dance and Mazurka in Act Three.
Well, our debut was not truly ideal. I didn't regulate my energy well, leading to fatigue halfway through the waltz.
I momentarily lost focus and rolled over my toes, leaving them sore for the rest of the weekend. Despite this setback, the rest of the show went relatively well. While it wasn’t our best performance, we executed the choreography correctly with good technique and expressiveness.
However, in the fourth act, where we were meant to go on stage to lift Rothbart like a big wave made out of blue fabric engulfing the stage, a mishap occurred. The fabric tore apart and rolled up, but due to the heavy smoke, we couldn’t see what was happening. When we reached Rothbart, we became aware of the situation and left abruptly, resulting in a big upset for me; the news came that this part was going to be cut from the next shows.
Disheartened, I was looking forward to having dinner with my dad, but we were unable to find any open restaurant. So we decided to cut it short and bid each other farewell until we met again, which left me feeling down.
The second day started on a better note. We woke up early and went to visit the Paris Opera House. The beauty of the decorations in every hall fascinated us. We saw some old ballet costumes, looked for photos of some famous dancers from the Romantic era displayed throughout the building, and saw one of the most iconic stages in the ballet world.
It served as a reminder that even though I had already come a long way, there was still a lot left to do.
With that in mind, we returned to the hotel to prepare for the second show.
Unfortunately, events started unfolding in a way I didn’t expect. I received a phone call; my family was stuck at the airport in Madrid. Their flight was delayed, and although they would make it to Paris later that afternoon, it seemed unlikely that they would make it to the show. Fortunately, they managed to reschedule their Swan Lake tickets for the next day, but my biggest motivation for the evening was already gone.
Moreover, my feet were hurting badly from the day before, and I couldn’t finish the class. Consequently, I decided to take it easy during the show.
Surprisingly, that was the best decision I could have made. I went on stage early before the show, regulating my energy and prioritizing coordination, musicality, and precision. It made a significant difference. I savored every moment, and upon its conclusion, I felt genuine joy.
Plus, I was looking forward to dinner with my family knowing they had managed to get to a restaurant and order our meal while I was dancing.
The last day arrived with a matinee performance, and we rose early, savoring the knowledge that this beautiful stage awaited us one last time.
My foot was still hurting. It felt a bit better than the day before, but I still had to be careful. So I did my class thinking about the use of the toes and avoiding any jumps or relevés.
Afterward, I started getting ready while looking at the pictures of my grandparents on the Eiffel Tower. Happiness radiated from their faces, but I felt it even more when I went down to the stage door, already wearing my costume, to take a picture of all of us together.
When the music began, nerves consumed me, reminiscent of the first day. It was an important day, not just professionally but also personally. I started the show very cautiously, trying to avoid mistakes. But as the waltz advanced and I grew more tired, I let things flow and started to tap into the feelings I had the day before. I enjoyed not just what I was doing but also the energy I was receiving from my family in the audience.
Life is full of ups and downs. It's an emotional rollercoaster that, for me, usually becomes more evident during intense experiences like a ballet tour.
But when, after all the work, I stepped out of the theater to see the expressions of happiness on the faces of people I care so much about, such as my dad on the first day or my mom, aunt, or grandparents after the last show, and I got to hug them… that is when I knew the whole trip was worth it.
All photos for The Ups and Downs of a Ballet Dancer on Tour courtesy of Nicolás Pérez, a dancer with Varna International Ballet.
